


you’re one of the few things that i’m sure of

by amplifer



Category: Atypical (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Like so much angst, but its happy at the end, im incapable of writing a sad ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 03:17:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20614088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amplifer/pseuds/amplifer
Summary: “I can’t do this.” She says, her voice hoarse, when the outside of Izzy’s house. She doesn’t look at Izzie, she can’t. Because she knows that if she does, she’ll screw the consequences and grab Izzie’s hand and drive off till they hit Rhode Island or New York or wherever Izzie wants to go.Wherever Izzie goes, Casey will follow.Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Izzy nod.“I know.”





	you’re one of the few things that i’m sure of

**Author's Note:**

> I just love these two so much and they deserve the whole fucking world. and we got a premiere date, november 1st!!!!!

Casey doesn’t see Izzie for a while after that night in the car. She can still feel Izzy’s warm palm in her hand and taste the cotton candy slushie in the back of her throat if she thinks hard enough about it. 

_ I can’t see her anymore  _

She decides this while driving Izzie home that night. The awkward and uncomfortable silence stretching across the car, giving her time to think. 

_ I can’t see her anymore. I can’t do this. I cannot see her anymore. I can’t do that to Evan.  _

Evan. She totally forgot about Evan. The sweet and nice boy who was her first kiss, her first love, her first everything. A wallow of guilt pools in her stomach and keeps filling up into her throat as she keeps thinking of the blonde hair, blue-eyed, video game playing geek.

“I can’t do this.” She says, her voice hoarse when the outside of Izzy’s house. She doesn’t look at Izzie, she can’t. Because she knows that if she does, she’ll screw the consequences and grab Izzie’s hand and drive off till they hit Rhode Island or New York or wherever Izzie wants to go. 

Wherever Izzie goes, Casey will follow. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Izzy nod. 

“I know.” 

Izzy carefully takes her hand out of Casey’s, but Casey still flinches. She forgot that she was still holding Izzie’s hand. 

——

So, Casey doesn’t see Izzie for the rest of the summer. She ignores the tiny hole in her heart where the black-haired girl carved her spot in. She decides to go on more runs to get faster and get her endurance higher, so she doesn’t have to run beside Izzie in the coming school year, doesn’t have to see that smirk when she crosses the finish line one second before Casey, the one makes her heart beat a lot faster than usual. She runs faster so she doesn’t have to feel Izzie’s warm, soft palms pushing against her shoulders in victory and the heat spreading to her toes and up to the very tips of her hair, staying there long after Izzie lets go. 

Casey decides to spend more time with Evan. To try to fall in love with him even more than before. It be easy to. He’s nice, attentive, caring, good kisser, and he deals with a lot more of her shit than necessary. So, it be easy to fall more in love with him, to pull him into her room and kiss him till both of them are blue from the lack of oxygen. It be easy to do that. 

But, every time she thinks about doing just that, she thinks about how warm Izzie’s forehead was against hers, how soft her hair was against her cheeks, how her smile made Casey’s heartbeat so fast that she thought she was having a heart attack. So, it would be easy to forget about all that and go upstairs with Evan, but instead, she pulls Evan’s arm closer around her and settles into the safety of the couch downstairs. 

——

It’s the last Wednesday before school starts when someone brings up Izzie. It’s at dinner after Casey went on a long run. At dinner, her mom starts going through the guestlist for Sam’s going away party that he insisted that he have as he wants to tell the neighborhood goodbye. 

_ ‘Even though he’ll be living from home’  _ Casey thinks with a smirk, but it’s nice for him to get part of the college experience. 

Halfway through the guest list, Sam turns to Casey with curious eyes and hands in his lap. 

“Will Izzie be coming to the party?” 

Casey chokes on her water. 

This causes for her mom and her dad to both look up from their dinner with faces of concern. She waves them off as a sign that she is fine, but she is far from fine. Sam continues with his sentence. 

“I want to show her Edison’s new cage.” It took them a while, but since Edison’s first cage was so filthy that he needed a new one. The compromise with Sam was that they bought a cage exactly like Edison’s old cage. 

Casey barely heard what Sam was saying, but she forced a small smile and nod to make him happy. 

She decides to go out on another run after dinner. 

——

She decided to text Izzie the next day since the party was that Friday, so it was kind of last minute. She spends thirty minutes on a decent text to make it look like she hasn’t been thinking of her all summer. 

_ sam’s having a going away party at 5 tmrw and he wants to show u edison’s new cage. will u come?  _

She thinks she did alright. 

——

The text comes later that night when she is watching a rerun of Seinfeld with her father. Her heart in her throat when she opens the message. 

_ Sam got a new cage?  _

She lets out a small snort of laughter that doesn’t disturb her father from Kramer on the screen. She can almost hear the disbelief in Izzie’s text. 

_ it’s exactly like the old one.  _

Izzie’s reply comes a few minutes later. 

_ Gotcha. I’ll be there around 6.  _

That small hole in her heart that’s only grown bigger in the last few months begins to fill with the thought of seeing Izzie again. To see her soft smile, to hear her voice, and hear her laugh. Her thoughts are quickly interrupted with her father making the sound of a acknowledgment. She looks up to see him studying her with a soft smile on his face. 

“What?” 

He shrugs nonchalantly. 

“Nothing, I just haven’t seen you smile like that in a while.” 

——

She spends the first half of Friday morning running alone. The second half was helping her mom prepare for the party. She’s hanging up streamers when her mom starts to talk. 

“How are you doing, Sweetie?” Casey shoots a confused look at her mother, it’s not like she’s been gone. Her and her father both agreed that it would be better for Sam if they lived in the house together. It’s had some bumps, but otherwise, it’s been fine. 

“I’m alright, why?” She can’t be that affected by Izzie for her mom, of all people, to figure out that something is wrong with her. 

“You’ve just been a little off lately.” Casey doesn’t know what to say to that. She doesn’t like to tell her mom when she is right. 

“I’m fine.” She’s anything but fine, but her mother shrugs. It isn’t until her mom tells her to go get ready for the party that she touches Casey on the shoulder. 

“You know you can tell me anything right?” Casey wants to snap at her mother. Tell her that she can’t. That she can’t feel this way. That she saw where being selfish got her mother, to almost losing her family. Instead, she forces a small smile and nod, then goes up the stairs to get dressed. 

——

Evan shows up at the party fifteen minutes after five, wearing his best flannel and blue jeans. He gives her a kiss at the door and she keeps him there for a little bit, sinking into the comfort of him. He pulls back with his best smile that makes Casey smile, but her heartbeat remains the same.

Around five-thirty is when most of the guests show up, most of them are the parents from around the neighborhood. But, Zahid and Paige are there to keep Sam occupied enough to not get bored easily. 

Casey’s in a nice conversation about track with Ms. Samuels, from three blocks down the street, when the door opens. Her eyes look up as a momentary reaction, but then stay there when she realizes who it is. Izzie. 

_ ‘She’s thirty minutes early _ ’ Casey thinks. That’s all Casey can think when Izzy walks further into the room. At five-forty-five, Casey was going to fake a cramp to her mother and then go up into her room and think about Izzy. No, no, no, she wasn’t going to see Izzie tonight. But, even though her mind is protesting this idea of seeing Izzie, she can’t ignore the way the large hole in her heart begins to fill up the moment that Izzie walked into the room. 

——

She doesn’t actually talk to Izzie until later that night. Sam comes up to greet her and then shows her up to her room, presumably to show the ‘new’ cage that he got for Edison. It isn’t until most of the guests have left is when she actually gets to talk to Izzie. 

She doesn’t mean to talk to her, she happens to be taking the trash out when she sees Izzie on the back porch, looking up at the stars. 

Now, there are two things Casey Gardner could do in this situation, she could go back inside and play Scrabble with her boyfriend or she could talk to Izzie. She walks to the back porch without a second thought. 

“Hey.” She says in a soft voice, stuffing her hand in her pockets. Izzie turns to her, a soft smile gracing her face that makes Casey’s heart pick up a little bit of speed. 

“Hi.” Izzie turns back to look at the stars. Casey doesn’t trust herself enough to sit by Izzie, so she leans up against the wooden post of the porch. 

“Thanks for coming tonight. It meant a lot to Sam.”  _ ‘And me’ _ Casey thinks, but doesn’t say. Izzie smiles a even wider smile and looks to her. 

“Yeah, he spent thirty minutes telling me about the new features his cage has for Edison and about how much Edison likes his new cage.” Casey smiles at the thought of her brother talking to Izzie, making her smile and laugh. It’s a nice thought. 

“Well, thank you.” Izzie stands with a soft smile, the one that makes Casey feel like she’s having a heart attack. 

“No need to thank me, Newton.” She leans on the other side of the post that Casey is leaning against. 

“You’re still my favorite person, no matter what.” This makes Casey’s heartache with love and so much longing. After nearly three months of ignoring her, Izzie takes her back without question, without protest and all she can think is how much she’s missed this girl. 

“Yeah, you’re still mine too.” Izzie smiles so hard and so wide. That Casey can’t think of a moment better to fall in love with someone, followed by an ‘oh shit’. 

——

It’s the first week of September when Evan starts to notice something off with Casey. She tries not to be so distant with him. She lets him hold her when they are watching a movie. She lets him hold hands when they go out on a date. She lets him make her laugh and smile, just like he’s always done. But, after that night on the porch, she doesn’t let him kiss her every moment and they don’t have sex again. So, she tries to not be distant, but he can’t help but notice. 

It’s the last Monday of September when Evan decides to talk to Casey about it. They’re sitting on the back porch on the stairs when Evan brings it up. 

“Are you okay?” Casey looks up from picking the loose wood of the stairs. Her face showing genuine curiosity. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She says, looking at him. He can’t know about Izzy, she hasn’t been that obvious, has she?

“You don’t look fine.” He says in a quiet voice that makes her even more agitated with the conversation. 

“Well then stop looking.” She snaps back smartly but instantly regrets it when she sees the way his face takes a downturn look. 

They’re quiet for a few minutes, Evan looking out to the trees of the backyard, seeing them sway lightly with the cool breeze. Casey looking down at the stairs of the porch that they are sitting on, picking at the dark wood. 

“What’s going on with you, Casey?” Evan looks at Casey long enough for her to look back at him. She thinks that she will see anger and hurt in his eyes, but all she sees is curiosity, concern, and that soft look that he’s always had for her. It makes her realize why she fell in love with him in the first place and why tell him anything about this will break her even more. 

“I love you so much.” She starts, tears welling up in her eyes, she can hear her heart start to tear. 

Evan starts to catch on, his frown down turning even more than before. 

“But, I can’t-” A sob catches in her throat, blocking any more words from coming out. The thought of losing Evan completely after this hurts her. But what really breaks her is that if losing Evan meant having Izzy, she would be okay with that. That thought of her being that selfish is what breaks her down to the bone. 

Evan clears his throat, hurt and pain clear in his eyes, but not anger. 

“What do you need?” 

This makes another sob escape her throat. Even in her darkest moment, Evan doesn’t get mad, he doesn’t turn away, he doesn’t yell or snap, he just wants to make sure she is okay. This could make her fall in love with him over and over again. It be easy to, but she can’t help think that maybe she couldn’t now. With everything that’s happened. That she’s gone as far as she can with falling in love with him. And now, she’s just slowly falling out of it. 

“Hold me. Please, I just need someone to hold me.” 

She tries to take the desperation out of her voice, but it doesn’t work. But Evan doesn’t care, he does it anyway. 

She falls into the comfort of her ex-boyfriend’s arms. 

——

She tells Evan everything about Izzie. She tells him about how Izzie came to her when she needed comfort, about how she read her Stephen King stories in the pillow fort that Casey had made to cheer her up. Casey told him about Izzie lashing out at her when she told her that Nate had tried to kiss her. She told him about how much she had missed Izzie when she didn’t speak to her. She told him about her birthday party when she had gotten mad at him and Izzy had come and apologized to her about Nate. She told him about the almost kiss and how scared she felt after. 

“Why did you feel scared?” Evan had asked, his tone of genuine curiosity.

“Because if my mom hadn’t walked in, I was pretty sure I was going to kiss her. I was scared that I could be that selfish. Like my mom.” Casey said, her voice soft and scared. 

She told him about how Izzie and she drove four towns over just to get to a 7-Eleven to that sells cotton candy slushies. She told him about after they got the slushies that Izzie reached for her hand. She told him about how she didn’t pull away and about how she didn’t want to. She told him about how she forgot that she was holding her hand the whole car ride until Izzie took her hand away. She tells him about her heart has been feeling so heavy these past few months and about how lost her head feels. 

Evan listens through all of this with an understanding look in his eyes. Her heart feels some sort of relief in this. Like maybe she hasn’t lost him after all. Maybe after all of this, they can still be friends. Like truly friends. Casey finds some comfort in that. 

“How do you feel about her?” Evan’s soft words cut against her chest. Casey looks at him then back down at her hands, wringing them together. 

“I don’t know exactly.” She doesn’t. She doesn’t know how to describe that feeling in her chest she gets when Izzie’s around. She doesn’t know how to describe the feeling of joy that comes to her by just being around Izzie. Because falling in love with Evan wasn’t like that. It was more slow and calm. Like waves rolling on the beach, over and over again. 

“It’s just-when she looks at me, I just-” 

“Forget your own name.” Evan completes the sentence for her. His eyes filled with a sad kind of understanding that makes her heartache with guilt. 

“Exactly.” 

——

Evan leaves before dinner that night with a promise of friendship that makes Casey almost cry in relief. She wants him to still be in her life even as a friend, best friend even. They’ll get there eventually, she knows that, but for right now she will give him space and time that he needs and let him approach her first. She owes him at least that. 

After that, she decides she’s done with relationships for a while. Even though her feelings for Izzie were blooming while she was still in a relationship with Evan doesn’t mean that she doesn’t miss him and isn’t heartbroken because he was her first love. But, she does think that it the break up with Evan should hurt more than it probably does. 

She decides to focus on school and spending more time with her family. She goes on walks with her dad to get his health back up, she actually listens to her mom and doesn’t give her such a hard time because she looks like she is trying to piece their family back together. She takes Sam and Paige on dates a lot, so much so that her dad calls her Sam’s Taxi Driver, apparently he doesn’t know what a Lyft is. She takes them to the movies and doesn’t comment about Sam’s flustered cheeks and loose belt buckle when she picks them up. 

She actually hangs out with Zahid more, even when Sam is not around. He’s a cool dude, considering he still lives with his parents and can’t get a girl to save his life. But, he’s funny and he lets her play his Xbox with him when he brings it over. He kind of becomes her best friend, she doesn’t realize it until she brings up Izzie in front of him. 

He finds out about her when they are hanging out at a sandwich shop on 43rd, she had just dropped Sam off on another movie date with Paige and had a couple of hours to kill, so she texted Zahid to come out and meet her. They sit down and order their food when Casey sees her. Izzie. 

She is sitting across from a younger boy, which Casey can assume is one of her brothers. She’s beautiful, Casey knows this, Izzie has always been beautiful to her. But now that she doesn’t have the weight of a relationship on her shoulders. She can take in Izzie’s true beauty. Her black hair cascading in waves on top of her shoulders, her warm brown eyes that lit up everytime she smiled at Casey. Her smile, the one that would make Casey’s heartbeat so fast that she would think she was having a heart attack. 

Casey must have been staring too long because Izzie catches her eye. For a moment, Izzie just stares at her, but then she turns away back to her brother. 

Casey must have been staring too long because Zahid actually stops in the middle of his story, which is about almost getting a cute costumer’s number yesterday, and turns around to look where Casey’s line of vision is. 

“Isn’t that the girl from Sam’s going away party?” 

“Izzie.” 

He must hear the warmth in her voice surrounding Izzie’s name because he turns around with eyebrows raised and a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

“Right, Izzie.”

Casey looks down, her cheeks almost as flushed as the ketchup stain on the table in front of her. She doesn’t say anything else, just picks at her half-eaten Ceasar salad. Zahid takes the hint and sighs. 

“She’s pretty.” He says in a tone that Casey knows he doesn’t want to hit on Izzie. It’s his own approval for Casey. She looks up at him and sees nothing but warmth and acceptance on his face. It makes her heart soar. Not because she needed his approval, but to know that one person is okay with it. And for now, that’s all she needs. 

Casey doesn’t talk to Izzie when her and Zahid leave the restaurant to go pick up Sam. But, she does send a bright smile her way and gets one back that makes her heart soar. 

——

After that, Izzie and Casey become civil towards each other. Not that they weren’t civil before, Izzie respected that Casey needed space to figure things out and vice versa. But now, the pair talk at school and run together on the track field. Casey starts leaving biology class five minutes early just to get to Izzie’s English class, that’s on the other side of the school, to walk with her to her math class. (Casey has to sprint to her history class after she drops Izzie off, but it’s worth it).

Casey doesn’t know what to define what they are. Friends, maybe more, but whatever it is, she’s just glad Izzie is talking to her again. But, Casey can’t help feel that between the walks to class and long talks, that they could be more. She wants to be more. 

——

It comes to Casey after her parents announce that they are separating to her and Sam. 

They had been doing great during family dinners and Casey’s track meets and Sam’s weekly therapy sessions, but behind closed doors, their relationship was just too broken to be fixed. 

Casey gets that, but it doesn’t mean she’s not still angry.

She’s angry when she goes on a run after they tell her. She’s still angry when she pictures her mom and that asshole bartender together over and over again. She’s angry at her dad for leaving the first time. She’s angry at her mother for being selfish. She’s angry at herself for ruining her relationship with Evan and pushing Izzie away. 

She’s just plain angry.

She’s more confused than angry when she ends up in Izzie’s driveway. She’s only been there a handful of times before everything went to shit, but it’s a small, cozy house, not mansion like the other kids at Clayton have. She likes it.

She must have been standing out there for a long time, wondering how she got there, because a little boy, around five or six, comes out onto the porch and stands right where the stairs began. 

“Hey lady!” The little boy yells, breaking Casey out of her trace. 

Casey steps a few feet into the driveway to get a better look at the little boy. He’s basically a carbon copy of Izzie, the same warm brown eyes and black wavy hair.

“Do you need something?” He shouts when Casey doesn’t answer him. 

Casey fully intends to tell him to forget that she ever came back and just run back to her house. But before she can get a word out, a familiar voice cuts her off. 

“JJ!”

Izzie comes out onto the porch and Casey heart drops to the pit of her stomach and gets swarmed by the butterflies that are already in there. She’s in sleep shorts and a old t-shirts. 

“What are you-” Izzie’s question gets cut short by her brother pointing out into the driveway, where Casey stands. 

“Go back inside. I’ll be in a minute.” Izzie leads him back into the house and shuts the door behind him. She looks back at Casey, who cheeks are flushed from the endurance and this whole situation in general. 

“What are you doing here, Newton?” Izzie says as she walks down the porch steps and onto the grass in front of her house. She crosses her arms in front of her chest as she gets halfway and stops. She wants Casey to met her halfway. 

“You know, I-I was just in the neighborhood and…” Casey trails off as she takes a few steps forward to Izzie. 

“You were just in the neighborhood?” 

“Yeah.”

“Four miles away?” 

“What can I say? I like to run.” 

“Casey.” Izzie’s tone takes a serious turn which makes Casey sober up in her answer. 

“My parents are getting separated.” Casey says with a sigh. 

“Casey, I’m so-” Izzie begins to form a apology, but gets cut off by Casey. 

“My dad left us because he was confused about who he was as a father. My mom cheated on my dad because she was confused about who she was as a person.” 

Casey takes another step forward to Izzie. 

“I’ve felt confused about everything these past months and it sucks.” Casey takes Izzie’s hand into hers. She feels the same warmth and comfort that she felt all those months ago. She can taste the cotton candy slushie in the back of her throat. 

“I don’t have enough apologies for you about the way I’ve treated you these past few months. I don’t know what to say other than this.” 

Casey takes a deep breath before continuing. Looking into Izzie’s eyes to see warmth, confusion, and a little bit of love.

“I might be confused on a lot of things, but I’m not confused when I’m with you. It just feels right, you know? And I think that’s why I pushing you away. Because it felt so right to be with you and that made me even more confused. I didn’t want to be confused because I’ve seen were being confused gets people, were it got my parents, and I didn’t want to be that way.”

Casey cuts herself off with putting the hand that isn’t holding Izzie’s over her face. 

“I just want to be with you.” Casey sums it up with a shrug.

Izzie laughs, a kind of laugh that makes Casey’s heart race so fast that it might run right out of her chest. 

Izzie finally moves close to Casey, putting her forehead against hers and moves her arms around Casey’s neck. 

“I want to be with you too, Newton. No matter how confused we both are.” With that Casey finally plucks all of her courage that she has left and does the thing that she’s been wanting to do since her birthday. 

Casey presses her lips against Izzie’s. 

There’s no fireworks or sparks of electricity between them. But there’s a warmth that spreads from the strands of hairs on her head down to the tip of her toes. 

This is a different kiss that she hasn’t felt before with anyone. This is a kiss between her and Izzie. It’s just her and Izzie and it’s perfect. 

It’s perfect.

  
  


  
  



End file.
